The Roots Run Deep at Ascend.



10712 W Alameda Ave
Lakewood, CO 80226

Fire Alien

Welcome to Suburbia!

I cannot stress how nice it is to have access to cannabis like there is for coffee. If you run out, there is always somewhere close. You don’t have to worry about linking up with someone. No more waiting for your friend to finish Thanksgiving Dinner to meet you in the empty corner of the King Soopers parking lot. Not anymore. If you need weed, look it up; they even advertise! Ascend is medical only, however, so you have to bring your card for access.

Ascend is right at the edge of the high plains. Soccer moms could use some shrubs to unwind at the end of the day, too… Speaking of family, the same family has been in business on this plot for for 50 years. They sold tractors before they decided to get in the ganja game.

The first thing I noticed was how comfortable it is here. The bud tender that helped me has already been there 7 years! The rest of the staff also felt really comfortable together too. The room was large and had displays against the longest wall. It was full of employees. There was a lot of traffic too. They just flew through the customers, who they knew by name. If I didn’t know any better, I was witnessing the 7 AM crowd at my favorite local coffeeshop.

The vibe that I got showed me that this place is operated with their community in mind. This is why herb needs to be legalized. It is a shift in thinking. It is a shift from drinking. The owners are clearly doing what they love. These guys would just be tractor salesmen otherwise (I shudder to think of that other universe).

Ascend should be lauded for their recycling program. They pay a nominal amount to recycle for your little plastic bottles and even the big transport bags that are always included in your purchases.

The roots run deep in Ascend. They have grown and shifted with the times. The dirt is in their fingernails, as some would say. Their flowers were trimmed small; but they were rocks. Little key-lime green cannarocks. They had a ton of variety as well, about ten indicas and ten sativas.

The herbs are priced so that the biggest harvest is cheapest and the smallest is the most expensive. Simple. I ended up with the Fire Alien because it was cheap. Small buds don’t impress me. These buds were not popcorn exactly. Give it a couple of weeks, however, and they will be popcorn.

The Fire Alien is a serious looking herb. These buds are dense. They don’t give a single .mm when pinched. They are absolutely coated in crystals. It looks like they were rolled in sugar. The poor brown hairs try to fight for space and prove that they are a part of the mix too, but the buds are just so dense and crystallized that the hairs are strangled by the entire mass.

The Fire Alien smells like oregano that sat on the shelf too long. Even after crushing a bud, there was no odor. The smoke is smooth and it tastes sweet, like a lychee fruit. It has a nice, mild effect to it. It is just okay, and the low price matches the quality. There is more to the product in the service industry, however. The foundations of the business “trickle down” from the owners, and the mark of quality service makes the product much, much better. Ascend smashes that out of the park.


Nothing Beats a Little Brown Bag Bud.


brown bag                      L’Eagle

380 Quivas St
Denver, Colorado 80223

LA Confidential, Girl Scout Cookie


The recent infusion of legal Capitalism into the ganja game exposed many of the concerns that the hippie underground has maintained for generations. The respect for the plant and natural goodness is overshadowed by the brutish business man. You could once get years in prison for having written proof of your ganja sales. Spreadsheets and break even points are now necessary if you are going to survive the  complex bureaucratic process that we have laid the foundations for. Businesses will rise and fall, pushing income projections forever skyward and breaking banks and dreams along the way. It is the delicate balance that a supply and demand bell curve constantly strives to achieve: the highest quality product produced and distributed for the maximum quantity. L’Eagle is a fresh departure from the plastic bucket trends of the current cannabis industry and an attempt at growing quality herbs.

Another indicator that the peace loving hippie would shudder over is the chemically extracted oils that are fishing for the frat boy funds, shatter. Shatter indicates the drive and ingenuity of the Capitalist machine to find the most superlatives that they can put on a billboard. It is only a mater of time before those dancing inflatable men are in front of stores to catch your attention. “110% THC!” and “Get fuct out of your mind!” will be on neon signs and in commercials


An artisan farm cannot compete with the spreadsheets and complex inventory management systems that corporate structures love so much. When the bottom line is a new TT Turbo, time-consuming things like curing are inefficient and expensive barriers to maximum productivity. The time needed to make great flowers is too much of a cost for most.

At L’Eagle, however, the buds are cured for around 90 days in brown paper bags. It is amazing how much cleaner the nugs are. If this were whiskey, it would be a Macallan 7 year old whiskey.

The buds are all nice, little chunky logs. The terpenes are almost oily and like thick frozen sap throughout the buds. The Purple hue peeked out from behind the bright green Girl Scout Cookie buds.

The LA Confidential buds were also solid little stones. The red hairs really stuck out in these buds. They broke up the bright green buds like the dots broke up Seurat’s painting, A Sunday afternoon in the Island of La Grande Jatte.

sunday afternoon la grande jatte

Both of these strains smell great. The Girl Scout Cookie smelled more peppery and sharp, while the LA Confidential smelled more fresh and like a forest. They both smoked incredibly smooth. Like 90 day brown bag sort of smooth.

Easy Super Skunkin’ in Washington Park


The Herbal Cure

985 S. Logan St. 80209

White Super Skunk

The Herbal Cure gets the award for best location. It pops from the interstate, because it is the only part of the retaining wall that has any color to it. The wall on their property is covered in graffiti. It is bright, colorful, and joyful. The graffiti art is everywhere in the farm. I call it a farm because the buildings are made of old wood in an old west style. There are two main buildings; the (literal) barn and the store. A streetcar sits toward the front of the property and it is just begging for an espresso machine and some bistro tables.

As for the herbs, well, their aroma didn’t impress. It smells like pot. The buds were nice and big. They are solid, tightly packed, and decked with crystals and red hairs. The smoke is nice and smoothe. It does not burn the throat. It has a nice, sweet taste to it that leads to a comfortable experience. It was more energetic than relaxed. Good stuff.