Beware the Big Brand Buds

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Generation Health

4495 Washington St
Denver, CO 80216

Banana Kush

10/14/14

When I first moved to Denver, I lived by this place called “Earth Group”. The building looked well maintained, yet it was always closed. Recently, the sign changed to “Generation Health”. I was excited to go because it was so close and the name appealed to me.

They had the room set up in a unique way; there were three booths, each labeled respectively, “beginner”, “intermediate”, and “connoisseur”.

Wherever I went, however, the selection was crap. First off, everything was already pre-packaged. I hate pre-packaged. It takes all of the personality out of the transaction. If you are going to pre-package your herbs, then you should save yourself a ton of money and set up a vending machine.

So now that my human robot has taken the container from point “a” to point “b”, I can now surmise the product. The buds were small and lacked aroma, probably because they have been rolling around in that confined space for so long. This presented me with trying a new thing: a brand of pot.

The name of the Brand is Kindman, and their bottles are shaped like aspirin bottles. So now we have a company that is using the word “health” to slang a retail product. Their product is a pre-bottled brand that bottles their product in knock-off aspirin bottles. They are also losing on all levels now.

The package was also a horrible idea because the bottle is not conducive to accessing flowers. There is a bottleneck at the mouthpiece that prohibits access to the flower at the bottom of the container unless you have long-skinny fingers. The bottles also carried a charge.

The shake had its own problems in these bottles. Shake will stop at the bottleneck when it is poured out. The static electricity kept little flakes stuck to the walls all over the bottle.

Banana Kush has a wonderfully pungent aroma. It is sweet like cotton candy in the air. The buds are nice, bright green color that is obscured by the fuzz of crystals that blanket the buds.

The high is cerebral; it really slows things down. I don’t feel stoned, but I am. This is a good bud for being active.

It is also dry and brittle. It just crushes in my hands. The only date on the bottle was the sell date, so it could have sat in a back room for months. The next time I see Kindman on a shelf, I am going to walk out of the store before anyone can even say “hi”.

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Caregivers for Life

310 St. Paul St.
Denver, CO 80206

White Urkel

10/7/14

This bud came recommended. I am not a fan of anything “purple”, so purple urkel is near the bottom of my list for ganja selections. I have been seeing a lot of this White Urkel around town, so I went for that.

The bag had some nice, big buds in it. The aroma is a run of the mill ganja smell. The White Urkel did live up to its name, however. The buds were coated in crystals.

It is a creeper, to be sure. It is subtle and calm. The more impatient stoner would pack two or three bowls out of uncertainty. But its lingering effects show up if you were patient enough to wait.

DTP Notes

I tried this place long before I worked for them. I am thrilled to know that I was able to try it before I knew the grower. Caregivers for Life is now called the Pagan Whistle. Great name! Although it is the same herb as what I reviewed, it deserves a revisit just for the (fingers-crossed) sticker.

Dank is the name and ganja is the game

certified-26013016Dank

9/9/14

 

White Widow

I found my favorite spot last week, just because of the name. It is almost Danktown, but not quite. Four letters short, to be precise. It may be superficial, sure, but the marketing worked on me. There is a lot in a name. There are those nice, bland corporate names like LivWell and The Green Solution. Then there are the many, many plays on THC like The Herbal Cure and The Health Center. And, of course, there are those medical places that have no post-grad medical professionals on staff. They use names with caregivers, “Herbal Health Alternatives”, “Meds”, or “Patient’s”  in the title to set themselves apart.

With a name like Dank, though, there is a certain level of stoniness that the purveyor must uphold. They aren’t in it for the health benefits, and they (hopefully) are not in it for a nice, commercial IPO skyrocket someday. They are in it for the herbs and the qualities a good herb grower can bring out of these herbs, much like a vinter wants to bring out all the characteristics of his/her grapes in a good glass of wine as opposed to Two Buck Chuck.

From first glance, the White Widow looks and smells good. The aroma is earthy and sweet. The buds are light green and they have pistils and crystals galore. It is a nice, light and smooth smoke, with an aftertaste that reminds me of a green smoothie.

This one messes with me; while the eyes have the tingling, and my body feels good, there is no overt stoney feel. Rather, it brings back memories of walking around a sea of sweaty munchkins at a Phish concert. In fact, this is the perfect herb for you want to hop onto the festival express.

 

Space Queen

Grade: A+++++

Walking into Dank is kind of a surreal experience for me. The building reminds me of an elementary school or a Boys Club on the inside. Its long, broad, and brightly lit hallway looks like it could hold lockers and trophies as easily as it holds up the bland prints that line their walls. The gym is not at the back of this building, though. That is where Dank is.

There is always a pretty young lady behind the bar (much better than the middle-aged, overweight man with a whistle, if you ask me,) who is ready and eager to take my money. Dank made her job even easier, though, when they put Space Queen on the shelf. It could have just as easily been a vacuum behind the counter to suck all of my money out of my pocket. Bluntly put, Space Queen was a sexy bitch from my past, and she was top class!

She is a glow-in-the-dark kind of green. Her buds are nice and hefty. They are a bit hard to pinch, and the aroma that comes out is peppery and woody. The pistils stick out like they are errant hairs on a freshly cut head of hair.

Just like the ganja I remembered, this Space Queen is fantastic. It doesn’t take much to go a long way, and this sativa just made me hungry.

 

 

Getting Higher on the High Plains

Sedgwick Alternative Relief

107 Main Ave
Sedgwick, CO 80749

8/14/14

pawnee Sunrise

 Durban Poison

Grade: A++++

I have long been a fan of Durban Poison. It is one of the reasons that Omaha got the nickname Danktown. There was a flavor called squeeze, and you could only get it from one person. It was part Durban, part something else, and all good. But really expensive!

I offered him every strain and flavor I could find (which was vastly abundant in the 90’s), but he would never trade me straight up. He always wanted cash too. I eventually broke down and bought a bag. It was worth it.

The Durban Poison I bought in Sedgewick was also over priced and totally worth it. Boy, did it smell good! The incredibly sweet aroma attacks me when I open the container. The buds are meaty balls of pistils and bud. The entire package is a veritable cannabinoid bomb.

The smoke is smooth. It is a bit heavy, but not as harsh as some smoke can be. The high is fantastic. It is “put your pipe down” pot; you will be forced to put down the pipe at some point, even if it is still full. A little bit goes a long way.

A Good Choice at the Fort.

Choice Organics

813 Smithfield Drive
Fort Collins, CO 80524

8/8/14

sbtrkt_newdorpnewyork

Death Star

Gtrade: A++++

I got my herb on the road today. I was miles from home and ran out. It has been a good decade since I roamed these parts last; things were kind of different out here in the 90’s. Sure, there were plenty of people who smoked herbs all over these mountains, but there was a skill in finding a stranger to sell you some herb in the time of prohibition. You could also kick it with the vagabond kids who always seemed to have drugs, but nowhere to do them. I don’t recommend the second choice at all, though. This does not mean that I could not find weed in Colorado in the ‘90’s. I had pockets of friends who I could count on. My access was limited.

Not this time, however. All I had to do was open Google maps, look up “marijuana”, and I was off! There were only two places in Fort Collins, so I went to both. I did not get anything at the first place. Well kind of- they special ordered the new SBTRKT album for me. That is because this place is a record store that expanded and added a dispensary in Colorado. (All she needed was a café, and she would have succeeded in bringing all of my dreams and passions under one roof together.) I will have to go back when I either have the money to buy both records and herbs or the backbone to walk through a record store without “looking”.

So, with my $40 non-cannabis purchase in the mail, I continued on to the other Fort Collins pot shop, Choice Organics. By this time it was full-on into Friday evening, and the place was packed! It is only 20 minutes from Cheyenne, so…

After some deliberation, I was thrilled to find a kind that reminded me of my younger days. There is a zen belief that all plants and animals have a perfect image of themselves out there in the Universe that all plants and animals strive to be. “A cucumber unquestionably cucumbering”, they would say. For me, the perfect pot plant is grown in Omaha. Every bag I look at, every satchel I sniff, and every bud I burn is measured against the ganja I smoked from 1995-2003 in Omaha. It’s common name is Willies One-Hit Wonder Buds.

There were some varieties in San Diego that were at the Willies level- P91 and J1 are among them. This Fort Collins Death Star is also in that category. It has a spicy, wet shoebox sort of smell. Very stinky.

The buds are dark green and substantial. They are nicely frosted, their soft calyxes look pregnant, and they have a healthy spattering of pistils. The thing to watch out for in larger calyxes is that they could indeed be pregnant with seeds instead of damn good herb. This is where a squeeze might come in handy. The seeds will be hard, while the calyxes will be soft.

The Death Star smokes nice and smooth too. Like a cool breeze on a spring day, the smoke fills my lungs in a pleasant way. And it hit my eyes almost immediately too. In the end, this herb just made me feel good all over. I could focus on tasks, and it lasts too! In fact, it is the longest lasting herb that I have smoked in a while.

Trenchtown’s Pot

Trenchtown

734 Sheridan Blvd
Denver CO, 80214

7/4/14

trenchtown.mmj

NYC Diesel

Grade: A+++++

You know Diesel when you smell it. NYC Diesel is like Diesels’ big, butch sister. Not only is this particular NYC Diesel a thoroughbred, it is a champion; it won the Cannabis Cup in the early part of the millennium. All of the buds were nice, healthy sized, and the red pistils dispersed nicely throughout the flowers. These buds were darker green on the outside and light green on the inside.

The smoke was a bit strong on the back of the throat (This could be because I had been smoking something a lot smoother before, or it could be real dry). The aftertaste, however, came back nice and strong.

I could feel this smoke numb the body a bit. More importantly, I could feel it in my eyes. Although it has those couch-locking effects of heavy indicas, it is no trouble to stay active and alert. This herb can keep you cool while you are busy, and the effects stick around so you aren’t left wanting. NYC Diesel did it again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

8/8/14

Hawaiian

Grade: A+++++

Ah Hawaii. Huh-Vah-eeee. It just feels good to say. It brings back memories of a barefoot youth, poi, lychee, and a messy mouthful of mangoes. But that was a long time ago. The many, many Midwestern Winters eroded away any impression of my first language and replaced it with the crisp, clean weatherman accent spoken here.

Similarly, the recent legalization took plant genetics into turbo speed here in Colorado. The isolated land-race plants of foreign lands have no place here, where all strains have to be locally sourced and from Colorado. No Thai Sticks, no Panama Red, and my Santa Cruz mold-resistant Alien O.G. seeds are useless here.

Yet, somehow, Trenchtown managed to get their hands on some locally-sourced Hawaiian. Naturally, that is what I got; I am a landrace junkie. This bag – nay- bottle did not disappoint. It smelled peppery, sweet, and dank. These light-green buds were covered in pistils. The buds were less meaty than what I like to see, but that is how some sativas go sometimes.

But then again, could it be the growing? Because Colorado is the furthest state east to really produce marijuana, I feel like there are more people coming here than anywhere else to get their herbs. The result is that supply and demand are way out of whack. The owners can’t keep the herbs on the shelf.

This means that they have to worry less about quality and more about quantity. So now the hunger of the Central and Eastern time zones created a much more pressing need to keep product on the shelves. So production is ramped up, and harvests happen as often as possible. This is bad for sativas in particular. They like to grow tall and lean. Their buds grow long and lean and flavorful.

Yet here we have a sativa that, according to seedfinder.eu, has a flower cycle of around “77 days”. This is drastically different and much costlier than growing something like an Afgan Kush, which can be harvested 55 days after flowering. Clearly Trenchtown chose quality over quantity here.

The smoke was really light to inhale. This is definitely what Bill Clinton would (does?) smoke because I could hardly tell I inhaled. The aftertaste is a bit nutty, so enjoy this on your day off with a cup of coffee if you can.

This bud to me is like a day off at the beach. The warm sun beats down on the earth and the blue ocean disappears off into forever. Just like a breeze brings that ocean moisture, this herb moisturized my eyes but did not redden them. Sometimes it is good to relax and reflect; read a book and let the wind rock your hammock. It is always better with a bit o bud, and a little bit of this bud will go a long way.